"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls...

don't be happy when they stumble." - Prov. 24:17

At the beginning of this journey, I admit, whenever their birth mom would miss a phone call or do or say something that I knew DHS wouldn't agree with, I was mildly rejoicing on the inside, because I figured it meant we were one step closer to adoption. The Holy Spirit began to convict me a couple months ago and I started praying that God would show me how I'm supposed to feel in a situation like this. Adoption should never be the main goal when becoming a foster parent and I know that, but as I have grown to love these children like my own, the desire is welling up in my soul. So, I am dealing with a variety of emotions after court for A and K  this week.

We found out a lot of stuff. We found out information about the case that has made me cry and apologize over and over to these babies for the life they lived before coming to us. To see them smile and laugh now, it is almost impossible to think how different their life was this time last year. The story of how they came to live in our house, is so incredibly God-spoken, it sounds surreal to me and I lived it. Just a tiny detail out of place and they never would have made it here. We brought A home for Thanksgiving, just for the day, when a few days before, we thought we were going to be getting another little girl who lived at the shelter. It fell through and we got our beautiful 4 yr old foster daughter and then her baby brother. We recently found out that the reason the other little girl fell through was because she had found another family to spend Thanksgiving with and it just happened to be our pastor's family. God has been with these kids every step and I refuse to doubt Him for one more second about their future. In regards to their future, the documents state that the permanency goal is October of this year. Another interesting thing happened at court this week. The lawyer for the children came up and apologized for treating Seth and me badly in the past. She said, "You know, I just thought you were another family who was only interested in adopting and not reunification, but now I see that's not the case at all." After apologizing multiple times for her behavior, she followed it up with the suggestion that we need to seriously consider adopting these two children in a few months. She even told the D.A. that we are more than willing and able to provide a safe and loving home for these kids and that she is recommending it. I am so, so glad that some of the things I wanted to say to this woman in the past, were never said. Instead I prayed for her. Look how much better that worked out! Wow.

On one hand, I am really hopeful and happy about the possibility of officially making these children mine. Then there's a part of me that is really sad for their birth mom. Sad in so many different ways. Sad, because she wasn't raised in a loving home and I truly believe she is missing some essential emotions because of that. Sad, because she's really young and this probably isn't the end of her child-bearing years. Sad, because she just does not get it. As often as we tell her what has to be done to get these babies back, the importance just doesn't resonate with her. I really just want to hug her and tell her that we're here for her and the kids and we can all be a big happy family. I don't think she wants that though, at least not right now. We have 90 days until our next court date when the decision will be made. I pray that all these kids know something I don't just yet though...
      Tonight my sweet Miss A looked up at me and smiled and said, "K and me are going to go to Mama's house and give her a big hug, but then we're going to come back here and stay with you forever." She was just grinning from ear to ear and I was almost in tears. She has never said anything like that to me before, she always says the opposite. lol I love them so much, so so much. How I cherish my life. Thank you Jesus.

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