Sunday, July 6, 2014

A New Beginning

After rights were relinquished, we had 3 visits, 3 weeks apart with the birth parents. Our intentions were to continue these indefinitely, but as of now, we have decided to bring them to a halt. Our decision has been influenced by many things, but ultimately we believe this is what God wants us to do for the mental and emotional health of not only our adopted children, but for the whole family. We loved, prayed for and reached out to the birth parents for almost 3 years, many times when we did not want to, but because we felt prompted by God to do so. We have offered job help, parenting help and spiritual help countless times, with no acceptance on their part over the years. This quote that I read recently really encouraged me to re-assess and pray about their involvement in our family's life. "It’s part of my DNA to love others. Love them and not disappoint them. But I have to realize, real love is honest. Real love cares enough about other people to say no when saying yes would build up a barrier in the relationship. Real love pursues authenticity rather than chasing acceptance. We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.” - Lysa TerKeurst  I feel that my intentions have been motivated by guilt and the desire to "save" or "rescue" these parents recently, instead of what would be best for our children and our family. God can save their birth parents without my help and I've accepted now that I am not responsible for their salvation. I can plant seeds, love them and show them Jesus, but only God saves. Our adopted children began acting out with very noticeable anxious behaviors after visits with the birth parents and they soon taper off after a little time has passed. I believe that God wants our family to bond and our children to heal and begin anew.

Because of these decisions, we have also chosen to completely change their names. One of the greatest privileges and rights a parent has is to name their children. We want that for our adopted children too. Our 6 year old is very excited about her new name and we've discussed that whenever God did something great in the life of one of His people in the Bible, He gave them a new name. There are so many people who told us not to foster and if we had listened to them, these children would not be ours. I anticipate that many of the same people will disagree with our decision to change their names. I hope they remember that we seek God in our decisions, not men. We have peace and joy about these decisions and I trust that God will honor them.

Love this explanation I found about God changing names in the Bible.

"Why did God choose new names for some people?

The Bible doesn’t give us His reasons, but perhaps it was to let them know they were destined for a new mission in life. The new name was a way to let them in on the divine plan and also to assure them that God’s plan would be fulfilled in them."

2 comments:

Kelley said...

I'm so happy to read your perspective on birth parents. We've just been chosen as an adoptive placement, and it seems like the team is not in favor of the kids having communication with birth parents. Love the bible reference to name changes too! That's an awesome connection that I hadn't thought about until now.

This is so off topic, but I noticed your vehicle in your picture. Is it the Nissan Passenger? We're looking into them now, and I've been trying to find someone who can tell me what it's like to drive one. Thanks so much!

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

You were chosen?! Yay!!! The last time I checked your blog, you were in the running, but nothing was decided yet. Praying for your family, and yes, it is a Nissan Passenger. They are super easy to drive. I like it better than when I drove my sequoia. Just make sure and get a rear camera and take the headrests off.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

A New Beginning

After rights were relinquished, we had 3 visits, 3 weeks apart with the birth parents. Our intentions were to continue these indefinitely, but as of now, we have decided to bring them to a halt. Our decision has been influenced by many things, but ultimately we believe this is what God wants us to do for the mental and emotional health of not only our adopted children, but for the whole family. We loved, prayed for and reached out to the birth parents for almost 3 years, many times when we did not want to, but because we felt prompted by God to do so. We have offered job help, parenting help and spiritual help countless times, with no acceptance on their part over the years. This quote that I read recently really encouraged me to re-assess and pray about their involvement in our family's life. "It’s part of my DNA to love others. Love them and not disappoint them. But I have to realize, real love is honest. Real love cares enough about other people to say no when saying yes would build up a barrier in the relationship. Real love pursues authenticity rather than chasing acceptance. We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.” - Lysa TerKeurst  I feel that my intentions have been motivated by guilt and the desire to "save" or "rescue" these parents recently, instead of what would be best for our children and our family. God can save their birth parents without my help and I've accepted now that I am not responsible for their salvation. I can plant seeds, love them and show them Jesus, but only God saves. Our adopted children began acting out with very noticeable anxious behaviors after visits with the birth parents and they soon taper off after a little time has passed. I believe that God wants our family to bond and our children to heal and begin anew.

Because of these decisions, we have also chosen to completely change their names. One of the greatest privileges and rights a parent has is to name their children. We want that for our adopted children too. Our 6 year old is very excited about her new name and we've discussed that whenever God did something great in the life of one of His people in the Bible, He gave them a new name. There are so many people who told us not to foster and if we had listened to them, these children would not be ours. I anticipate that many of the same people will disagree with our decision to change their names. I hope they remember that we seek God in our decisions, not men. We have peace and joy about these decisions and I trust that God will honor them.

Love this explanation I found about God changing names in the Bible.

"Why did God choose new names for some people?

The Bible doesn’t give us His reasons, but perhaps it was to let them know they were destined for a new mission in life. The new name was a way to let them in on the divine plan and also to assure them that God’s plan would be fulfilled in them."

2 comments:

Kelley said...

I'm so happy to read your perspective on birth parents. We've just been chosen as an adoptive placement, and it seems like the team is not in favor of the kids having communication with birth parents. Love the bible reference to name changes too! That's an awesome connection that I hadn't thought about until now.

This is so off topic, but I noticed your vehicle in your picture. Is it the Nissan Passenger? We're looking into them now, and I've been trying to find someone who can tell me what it's like to drive one. Thanks so much!

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

You were chosen?! Yay!!! The last time I checked your blog, you were in the running, but nothing was decided yet. Praying for your family, and yes, it is a Nissan Passenger. They are super easy to drive. I like it better than when I drove my sequoia. Just make sure and get a rear camera and take the headrests off.