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Saying Goodbye to Judah

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On January 20, 2020 at 7:15am, I said goodbye to my youngest child, my “forever” baby, my Judah. Seth woke me up by gently shaking my shoulder. I startled awake as he tearfully said, “I think he’s about to go.” I couldn’t believe it. How did it happen so quickly, why didn’t he wake me up earlier?? Seth said that his color changed almost instantly and his breathing drastically slowed while he was holding him in the living room while I got a few hours of sleep. I took Judah from Seth and climbed back into bed and told him to wake up everyone quickly. Owen sat next to me with his hand on Judah’s chest as we cried and told him goodbye one last time. Everyone hugged and kissed him as we listened to Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus and he took his final breath. The sobbing was audible and painful. I kept most of his face covered for the next two hours because I wanted the kids to remember him with his rosy red lips and beautiful complexion. Our heaven-sent hospice nurse came and pronounced him de
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Judah is 2!!

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I've been trying to come up with adequate words to describe how I feel about Judah turning 2. I don't think it's possible, so I will share the thoughts that have been running through my head. Judah's birth mom was encouraged to abort him. He wasn't expected to make it through birth. He came to live with us at 6 weeks old after circumstances that no one could deny God's hand on. The first 9 months of his life were filled with anxiety, little sleep and lots of funeral planning. We almost lost him more times than I can count. When he was 9 months old, by the grace of God, a water pipe melted and prevented our house fire from spreading to his room. The room next to his was 400 degrees and full of smoke. He had no smoke inhalation or any issues afterwards at all. After that trial, I begged God for a break and to keep Judah healthy for awhile. For more than a year now, we have only had one close call, where I thought it might be the end. God is so good to have gi
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38 Years Young

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My goal for my 38th year is to quiet the negative self talk and begin to embrace my gifts and my strengths instead of focusing on my weaknesses. With that thought, I decided to write myself a reminder using the same grace I would with a friend. Happy birthday Elizabeth! I know it is so hard to believe that you are 38 years old. Last year was tough, but in the midst of all the trials you saw so much beauty from ashes. You grew in your faith and your roots deepened as you saw God come through time after time with unfailing faithfulness. I think it is fair to admit that life is difficult right now, considering all of the needs of your 8 children. It would be difficult to manage a family that size without one of them being terminally ill and another with severe attachment issues. You really are doing a good job. I know that you see the faults more than the successes, but you are an inspiration. You encourage others to seek after God first and obey the scary things He asks them t
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