Discontentment

Boy have I been wallowing in self-pity the past couple days. "I'm so tired of being tired. Seth works too much. He's gone too much working on the new house. I don't want to pay two house payments anymore. I need a vacation from the kids. I'm tired of doing so much for everyone else..." God quickly reminded me of where we were at this time last year. April 29th of last year, Seth lost his job. We had to fight for unemployment because his previous company refused to pay it. He didn't get a job offer for 8 months. We lived off of God. And He provided every week. I would ask for forgiveness for complaining that Seth worked too much and that he got paid too little.  If only God would provide Seth with another job so that he didn't have to sell plasma every week for gas money. And now, just ONE year later, I have the audacity to complain about Seth working too much (40 hours) at a job that provides enough money to easily pay two house payments and still have extra money at the end of the month. God has blessed me with this amazing new house and a husband who knows how to fix and renovate almost every aspect of it, and I'm complaining about it.

This time last year, I couldn't sleep at night thinking about the foster children I knew we were supposed to help. Now, I'm blessed to spend all day, every day with 6 beautiful children. I don't have to work, I don't have to worry about daycare, I get to see everything happen for the first time. I do need a break, don't get me wrong, but a vacation from them shouldn't be a longing or even a need. It is definitely a want.

Thank you for letting me vent and show off how completely imperfect a person I am. The closer I get to Christ, the more I realize how much I need a Savior.

Renew me Lord. Remind me every day how blessed I am and don't let me take anything for granted. Let the verses below be true about how I live my life every day.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phil. 4:11-12

Amen. Amen. 

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