Showing posts from May, 2016


This morning started out fine. Judah's rash looked better and he took his whole bottle quickly and even seemed to want more. I got up to go make him another 2 ounces and everything he ate came right back up, mixed with mucous, so he began choking and gasping for breath. I got him calmed down and laid him on his side so I could change and clean him up. He began choking and throwing up again, this time through his nose. I'm screaming for help from the kids because Seth is gone and I panic during stressful situations, I'm definitely not the calm one in a crisis. I get him cleaned up and repeat this process 2-3 more times. Finally I get him dressed and up in his bed on his stomach just in case it happens again. And I just collapse - physically, emotionally - I feel so defeated and paralyzed. One step forward, 10 steps back. Satan takes hold and continues to bombard me with every insecurity I struggle with and I just let them all run through my mind as I lock my door and try an…