Showing posts from March, 2016

I Surrender

2 days ago, Judah woke up from a nap vomiting over and over again - much different from spitting up. To see a tiny baby dry heave because there's nothing left in his tummy is hard to watch. His fontanel has widened, due to his head swelling. His head is measuring at 17 inches, when a week ago, it was 16 1/4. Once we figured that out, it became clear that the vomiting and extreme lethargy is from the pressure increasing in his head.

The widening and recession began days before the vomiting started, so I know that it is all not from dehydration. Over the past 48 hours, he has kept down only an ounce of formula. He either will not take it, or throws it up about a half hour later. We have had our children say goodbye, his birth parents have been out. Seth and I have cried alligator tears. And we wait. How long could this go on? How many times will we say goodbye? My heart can hardly take this suspense. I feel like I can't breathe today. I don't know if it's from a hopeful…


I was watching a sermon this morning about John 13 and Jesus washing His disciples feet and how Peter, like I would have, initially refused to allow Jesus to do so. To imagine myself in that place, to be vulnerable and humble enough to let the Savior serve me in such a way, was tough to process. To serve others in that way, seems easier than to allow Jesus to wash the muck off my feet. I began thinking of the areas in my life that I am the most vulnerable and embarrassed of that Jesus needed full access to. The first thing that came to my mind, was my parenting. And this isn't a post seeking praise or pats on the back, I have a lot of room to improve in this area. When I had only 3 kids, I was so overwhelmed and so child centered, that parenting them "correctly" was an idol, well above Jesus.

He rocked my world when He called us to foster care. It was only through seeking Him and obeying this call, that I became a more godly parent and our home began to look more Christ…