Saturday, August 10, 2013

Crappy Foster Mama

OH fellow foster parents, I am at a place where I need to vent and "fantasize" about what life would be like without all the extra drama from this journey we decided to undertake. Bear with me while I blog it out and pretend to give up.

Dear world,

I know that I have been a hardcore foster care advocate for over two years now, but it appears that I am too selfish and prideful to follow through. Sure, I've given it a really good try and have loved these children like my own for 20 months, but they're just not worth the invasion of privacy, the unknowns about the future and the continued persecution we have faced from other parties involved. The court dates that we anxiously await for 90 days consistently end with the beginning of another 90 days of waiting. Having to ask for permission, only to receive a curt reply, to spend my money and time to go get their haircut has pushed me over the edge. So, I've just decided to send them off with someone or somewhere else. I don't know if they'll be safe. I'm sure they'll be traumatized and wonder where "mama" is. But, at least I won't have to have caseworkers at my house all the time or be annoyed with the lack of response to my daily emails about my concerns. Me being comfortable is what matters. I am more important. I shouldn't have to answer to everyone about how I parent. I am a good parent!! I have done more than a whole lot of other people who won't even try! Isn't that enough??? 

Sincerely,
Crappy Foster Mama

In response to myself, this is what I have to say.

Dear Crappy Foster Mama,

I know you're frustrated. It's hard and it sucks right now, but we both know that these children mean the world to you. You would walk through hell for them and you'd do it over and over again for as long as it takes as long as they are safe. Can you imagine your days without their smiles, hugs and kisses? Can you imagine the regret you would live with if you were the one that gave that up? Look how far they've all come since they came to live with you. They are happy, healthy and thriving. You've done a good job. You've made mistakes with them, their birth parents and DHS, but you are human! You are not perfect. You have sought Jesus throughout this whole process and you are more like HIM now. Every trial, every unexpected turn, He is using for your good and His glory. You have to trust in that. Satan wants to steal your joy. I know that sometimes it seems as though he is the CEO of DHS, but God is sovereign over every little thing. His plan cannot be thwarted. Please don't give up. These babies are worth every ounce of frustration. There are great things ahead. 

Sincerely,
Aspiring Foster Mama


5 comments:

The Campbell's Journey said...

Please know you are not alone in your feelings. Praying for you. Foster care sucks! That's harsh.....but for those of us living this life....its reality. Thankfully those beautiful faces that we wake up to each morning and God's grace is enough to get us through one more day.

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

:) Thanks friend. One day at a time...

Foster Mamalion said...

I agree with everything you said! We have been foster parents for 4 years. Inviting strangers into your home to tell you what they think of you and your home....for it to never be good enough....for them to ask you to please just take care of the kids and keep your opinion to yourself even though you are with these dear ones 24 hours a day. Who would do this? Jesus would and here we are...recruited by him to submit ourselves to nothing short of poking ourselves in the eyes with needles daily. Jesus quietly asks us to go one more day and love one more child and also to be abused by the system and have our heart broken yet again. The silly, amazing thing about this is we march on and it is wonderful and crazy and busy and nutty and spectacular. These children need warriors to step up for these children. The other funny thing is that God calls unlikely warriors and then equips us for the battle. March on dear warrior!

Mama Bear said...

Thank you for writing that. It helps me to know that others are fighting the same crazy battle that we are.We are going through the same frustrations and some days it's hard to keep plugging along. Please know that your words gave me the lift I so sorely needed today. Thank you. :)

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

Foster Mamalion - thank you! I needed your encouragement today.

Mama Bear - :) Lifting you up in prayer. We're all in this together!! They are worth it! HE is worth it!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Crappy Foster Mama

OH fellow foster parents, I am at a place where I need to vent and "fantasize" about what life would be like without all the extra drama from this journey we decided to undertake. Bear with me while I blog it out and pretend to give up.

Dear world,

I know that I have been a hardcore foster care advocate for over two years now, but it appears that I am too selfish and prideful to follow through. Sure, I've given it a really good try and have loved these children like my own for 20 months, but they're just not worth the invasion of privacy, the unknowns about the future and the continued persecution we have faced from other parties involved. The court dates that we anxiously await for 90 days consistently end with the beginning of another 90 days of waiting. Having to ask for permission, only to receive a curt reply, to spend my money and time to go get their haircut has pushed me over the edge. So, I've just decided to send them off with someone or somewhere else. I don't know if they'll be safe. I'm sure they'll be traumatized and wonder where "mama" is. But, at least I won't have to have caseworkers at my house all the time or be annoyed with the lack of response to my daily emails about my concerns. Me being comfortable is what matters. I am more important. I shouldn't have to answer to everyone about how I parent. I am a good parent!! I have done more than a whole lot of other people who won't even try! Isn't that enough??? 

Sincerely,
Crappy Foster Mama

In response to myself, this is what I have to say.

Dear Crappy Foster Mama,

I know you're frustrated. It's hard and it sucks right now, but we both know that these children mean the world to you. You would walk through hell for them and you'd do it over and over again for as long as it takes as long as they are safe. Can you imagine your days without their smiles, hugs and kisses? Can you imagine the regret you would live with if you were the one that gave that up? Look how far they've all come since they came to live with you. They are happy, healthy and thriving. You've done a good job. You've made mistakes with them, their birth parents and DHS, but you are human! You are not perfect. You have sought Jesus throughout this whole process and you are more like HIM now. Every trial, every unexpected turn, He is using for your good and His glory. You have to trust in that. Satan wants to steal your joy. I know that sometimes it seems as though he is the CEO of DHS, but God is sovereign over every little thing. His plan cannot be thwarted. Please don't give up. These babies are worth every ounce of frustration. There are great things ahead. 

Sincerely,
Aspiring Foster Mama


5 comments:

The Campbell's Journey said...

Please know you are not alone in your feelings. Praying for you. Foster care sucks! That's harsh.....but for those of us living this life....its reality. Thankfully those beautiful faces that we wake up to each morning and God's grace is enough to get us through one more day.

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

:) Thanks friend. One day at a time...

Foster Mamalion said...

I agree with everything you said! We have been foster parents for 4 years. Inviting strangers into your home to tell you what they think of you and your home....for it to never be good enough....for them to ask you to please just take care of the kids and keep your opinion to yourself even though you are with these dear ones 24 hours a day. Who would do this? Jesus would and here we are...recruited by him to submit ourselves to nothing short of poking ourselves in the eyes with needles daily. Jesus quietly asks us to go one more day and love one more child and also to be abused by the system and have our heart broken yet again. The silly, amazing thing about this is we march on and it is wonderful and crazy and busy and nutty and spectacular. These children need warriors to step up for these children. The other funny thing is that God calls unlikely warriors and then equips us for the battle. March on dear warrior!

Mama Bear said...

Thank you for writing that. It helps me to know that others are fighting the same crazy battle that we are.We are going through the same frustrations and some days it's hard to keep plugging along. Please know that your words gave me the lift I so sorely needed today. Thank you. :)

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

Foster Mamalion - thank you! I needed your encouragement today.

Mama Bear - :) Lifting you up in prayer. We're all in this together!! They are worth it! HE is worth it!